December 30, 2010 at 11:46am
I’m not making an installation about not doing a remake of 9 to 5.
This installation would be the film running on a tv sitting on a dvd player with a caption above and behind on the wall reading something like “Replace the four principle roles with the actors as they are now.” Or maybe it would be a closed caption at the bottom of the screen. Writing on the wall would be easier. But would it be better?
I’m not doing a remake of 9 to 5 with the original cast: Dabney Coleman, Dolly Parton, Lily Tomlin, and Jane Fonda.
Shot for shot, recreations of costumes, replicated lighting, etc. Only the faces are plastic. Or older. Regardless, I’d better get on this if I’m gonna make it happen: they aren’t getting any younger.
December 16, 2010 at 4:54pm
I’m not having vaginal intercourse with Yelena Gluzman for art porn.
Plus she just had her baby and it would have been better if she were pregnant. And she lives in Tokyo.
I’m not getting anything tattooed on my body in penis font.
Especially not “Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others.”
I am not writing a letter offering my domestic rearranging service to the president of the United States.
Or the vice president. Or the governor of California. Or the mayor of Los Angeles. Or the mayor of Long Beach. Or the president of CSULB. Or the head of the Art Department. Or the head of the Sculpture Department. Or the head of my graduate committee. Or my committee.
I am not making up crash test dummies using Color Me Beautiful.
First I would have to locate nearby crash test facilities. Then figure out who to contact. Then persuade the facility to give me permission. Then get the seasonal color palettes. Apply the makeup. Thickly. All of that seems like hard work for four deflated airbags titled Spring, Summer, Winter, Autumn. And I don’t even know if they would let me keep the air bags. Or keep a copy of their video documentation. And it might not even work.
Would these be considered prints?
I’m not paying for Glamor Shots for Book Club.
There is the costumed walk through the mall. But there is also the price.
I’m not getting tribute tattoos.
E.g. Jahan Khajavipour has Spock and Evil Spock tattooed on his inner forearms. If I were getting his tribute tattoos, I would get Freddy Mercury on one arm and the Roman god Mercury on the other. An acknowledgement with addendum. Unfortunately, I have tattoos there already.
I’m not getting arrested in drag.
Although Jahan is right that mug shots would make the perfect head shots.
I am not taking a nap under the AIDS quilt.
Not right now.